Dear Lord,

Lord,

I just want You to know how much I love You.

How often do I tell You that? Sure I let You know what I’m thankful for, what I desire, what I’m struggling with.

I tell You lots. Everything.

All but one thing.

I love You, Lord.

More than I ever have. 

The only thing I am sure about right now is that I will wake up and go to church at 9am tomorrow.

Twelve hours from now is literally as far as it goes.

This is the least control I have ever had over my life. 

Yet.

This is the most content I have ever felt.

It goes against everything the world has ever showed me. But You and the world have never really seen eye to eye, have You?

People keep asking me when are you coming home? What are you doing next fall? Where are you going next? Will you work this summer? What are your plans?

And I’ve tried to tell them, Lord. I have.

Time and time again I think I have it all figured out.

And time and time again You remind me that I definitely do not.

Lord, lots has happened in this past week. Life choices made, dates set, tears shed, surprises let out, possibilities planted, prayers answered. 

My mind swirls like the ocean, thoughts and doubts and possibilities like crashing waves.  How am I suppose to know, how will this all work out? How do I choose? Follow You?

But Lord I just want to thank You for Your reassurance and peace You give me every single day. Every hour, moment, and second.

I am so lost, but never have I trusted You more.  Never have I felt so reassured and at peace at Your hand on my life.

There is no part of my life, Lord, that I do not want You to consume.

To take over.

Immerse in Your love and grace.

I have felt every emotion there is this week, Lord. Joy, pain, hurt, confusion, victory, hope, anger, sadness, excitement, peace. And You know that.

And never once did You leave me; whispering to me in my joy and shouting to me in my pain.

Taking care of me.

Trusting You has taken on a whole new meaning, feeling, Lord.

It’s tangible, real.

I’m not worried, overwhelmed, overthinking, just trusting.

Lord I trust that You will give me the desires of my heart.

I trust that my last four months here will be full of lessons and guidance and memories.

Lord I trust that You will open the doors for me to walk through next fall.

I trust that if the finances come for an early visit from a welcome friend, that You will provide, Lord.

Lord I trust that You will open the door for me to go home accordingly.

But more so I trust that You will give me the desires You have laid on my heart in Your time.

I trust that if my last four months here are full of struggle that in Your time You will reveal the fruit of this labor.

I trust that as You open doors for me to walk through next fall, that You will also close the doors I am not ready for.

Lord I trust that if You do not provide the means for an early visit from a certain friend, that Your hand will still be firmly over my life guiding me and taking care of me.

I trust that if my idea of when is ‘right’ is not Your time, that You will close that door and open it in Your time.

Lord You are so good.

I am overwhelmed with Your work in my life, Your presence, resilience to love me no matter my doubts and worldly desires.

Thank You.

Lord it is endless! Absolutely endless!

Through it all You are good and the more I trust You, the more You reassure and give me peace.

My faith has never made it easy. Not once.

Trusting is hard.

But it has always made it possible.

And in the possibility of it all I find joy.

Pure, true, God given joy.

Thank You.

I love You Lord.

And the crazy thing is that I know my love comes no where near to even touching the Love You have for me.

No where near.

Do Your thing, Lord.

Do good things.

Amen.